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How Admitting That I Did Not Want Children Helped Me Reclaim My Life
One simple decision set me on a whole new path.
You might think this does not make sense; let me try to explain. My life has had two seasons; before, I decided that I did not want to have children. The second half was after I decided that I would not have children.
I have always loved babies. Until they start to cry, I give them back to their parents. I babysat in high school for money; I wouldn’t say I liked it.
At that point, I knew that I never wanted children, but this was in the pre-admittance stage. I thought maybe it’s different if you have your own.
Which most parents will tell you, so I accept that as fact.
For years I struggled with this, knowing I did not want children, yet feeling that this took something away from me as a woman. Yet I also knew that I never wanted to find this out.
Yet why was I so conflicted?
In the first half of my reproductive years from 18–33, I felt this black cloud over me and thought that I had to decide because, you know, the biological clock was ticking. Except mine never started beating.
