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I Am Not Your Savior
Do you ever have no words for what is going on in your life?
Things seem great, and you have finally turned a corner, and bam.
It’s like you walked into a brick wall and are now broken again. Well, it's not fully broken, but those healed parts are beginning to open and ooze out like you picked at a scab just because it’s there.
You get sucked back into the drama of another person and wonder yet again how did this happen.
I learned a lot about myself last year; I dedicated an entire year to healing and growing. I decided what I wanted in my life and began to get more confident and grow spiritually.
This year, I am choosing not to let fear rule my life.
That it is ok to feel; after years of covering up my feelings with booze, this was quite the realization. I cried more this past year than I have in my adult life.
Possibly, it is because I am growing older, and I do not want to be held back because I am scared. However, I need to discern what fear is vs. what is laying down a healthy border.
What is true love vs. what is deceit or manipulation from myself to myself or those who state they care about me?
I have a few friends, and we unconditionally love one another. Love is not transactional; it is unconditional, no matter what.
However, those who do not have unconditional love or have not learned how to love themselves will always lack this characteristic. And they will try to pull you into their tornado.
One that will suck you in, turn you around, and eventually, yes, they will spit you out and leave you just like Dorothy, confused and turned around.
After a few hours in bed licking my wounds, I have decided that is enough time to straighten myself out, as I am not the one who is broken anymore.
Maybe five years ago, I would have been writing this after drinking myself into a coma, but now I will shed a few tears, mostly feeling sorry for myself.
However, times have changed, I have grown, and I have come to accept that not everyone is meant to be in my life. I will not live in fear or regret, but I will lay solid and…
