i did AA off and on.. and in the end it wasn't for me.. i hate speaking as well.. shocker!

I read and listen to podasts.. and writing.. the best one..

I think that everyone is so different, as you said, the core thing is you have to want it.. that is really the only way no matter how many AA meetings you do, or rehabs if you don't want it, nothing will work.

for me it really was finding my faith again.. in the higher power... goddess. I am not religious at all.. but when i feel tempted i go sit in a church and pray.