Just focus on what you can control.. not what you want to control... why do you feel the need to be perfect... i am guessing a lot of people look up to you and think you are perfect. None of us feel perfect, it is just your ego seeing this. I envy how you can write such beautiful works and i felt like i was picking up that seashell and looking at it, just in your words!! Thinking wow lets play hookey, i dont even have kids..

You have so much that others want as well..embrace that and once you realize you do not need anything else... you will achieve that free spirit you long for. (of course i do not know you, but we all have qualities others envy!)