Walking into the dark, yet again.
I am feeling lost and withdrawn, not wanting to share what is happening, lack of interaction.
Almost if I ignore everything, it will all go back to normal. What even is normal?
Yesterday I bought a new cheap backpack in town since I have so much still here, and I wanted to travel around with my new gear. I tried it on full of stuff, but my neck and back still hurt.
I have had multiple signs from the university that it is time to go home and reset. That was the final straw from just today. This morning Colombian immigration informed me that I have to go to immigration to renew my visa, which will not be happening. Usually, that means, your visa is not approved.
I concede I lose; I give up. I will go home to reset. I will take the clues begrudgingly. I have not left my house, farm, or life here. In tears most days this week.
The ability to do anything but book a flight home is becoming increasingly more difficult. I am not one to fight change so much, except today, I have been fighting, and losing a more prominent force is pushing me down.
For those who left me comments on my last article, yes, I am leaving Colombia and single. I may come back in the future when the time is right.
Now the time is for me to see my family and get stuck in a few snow storms. My ghostly apparition will float through time and space until I recenter myself, where I can respond and interact without breaking down into a blubbering mess.
After I book my flight and have a goal and a plan, I will feel a bit more grounded.